“My pregnancy was normal until about 29 weeks. I had plans to have peaceful water birth at a local birthing center. Within 3 weeks, however, I developed high blood pressure which turned into severe pre-eclampsia and was hospitalized until I delivered. Being hospitalized for that long was quite scary and lonely. The days felt like they dragged on forever. When the protein in my urine reached a certain level, the doctor made the decision to operate.
Born 8 Weeks Early
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I had my daughter, Lucy, at 32 weeks. She was 4lb6oz and 16.75 inches long. I always knew that I wanted to breastfeed my baby. At first, I had no idea what the implications of an early delivery would mean for being able to nurse. A lactation consultant came by a few hours before I delivered and asked me if I intended to pump for my baby. I did, and pumped for the first time in recovery, after my c-section. I recorded every mL that I got when I pumped - it took ten whole days for my milk to come in! I was pumping every two hours around the clock! It was exhausting.
Pumping with a Purpose
At first, pumping had some positive aspects. It made me feel like I was really *doing something* for Lucy, while she was in the hospital. It gave me a purpose. I rented a hospital grade pump, which I'm sure helped tremendously. I carried my pump parts back and forth to the hospital, and pumped while I was there. I got a hands free pumping bra brought to me when I was still in the hospital. That is the best invention ever!
Encouraged to Bottle Feed
For the first two weeks, Lucy had to take my milk through a tube in her nose. When the doctor said she was mature enough to start taking her feeds orally, I was encouraged to bottle feed. In the NICU, they like to know exactly how much is being ingested - and they even weigh the dirty diapers to measure output! Breastfeeding wasn't encouraged because they wouldn't know down to the mL how much she ate. They were hyper-focused on quantifying everything that entered her body and left it. I was able to have Lucy nuzzle and lick my nipple as she was getting fed through her nose, but I was never encouraged to try a feeding with breastfeeding.
Bottles were key to getting out of hospital faster. Lucy had to take all bottle feeds for 48 hours to go home. We wanted her home, so I resigned my breastfeeding aspirations for the time she was in there. My hope was that once we got out of the hospital we could learn to nurse. Nothing in my original birth plan had worked out, and I desperately wanted to breastfeed my baby.
'Human Milk Fortifier'
The hospital staff were using something to up the calorie content of my milk, called ‘human milk fortifier’. As Lucy moved closer to discharge though, they switched to a 22cal formula to replace the fortifier. I got pretty upset and called the head nurse to see what was going on. They told me I would need to fortify her milk to ensure proper weight gain once we left the hospital, and that the human milk fortifier wasn't available for purchase. (A lie, I found it on diapers.com). I stopped using the formula once we got home and she gained just fine.
The Burden of Pumping
It was when Lucy arrived home from hospital that pumping slowly morphed into a burden. I would pray that Lucy would stay asleep so I could pump! I heard the whooshing noise of the pump all the time, and it was driving me crazy! I was attempting to nurse every couple days or so, and it wasn't going well. I continued pumping for 3 more months before finally seeing a lactation consultant. I didn't feel like I could keep it going for much longer with my sanity intact.
The Gradual Switch
At first, we took a gradual approach to switching from bottle to breast. I started using a shield and only nursing once a day - in the morning when I was the most full. I cried many tears because at times I thought we would never breastfeed successfully. My husband was not breastfed, and while he was 100% supportive, I could tell he didn't really understand why it was so important to me.
Sometimes the idea of exclusively breastfeeding was scary too - I had recorded every mL she ingested since she came home from the hospital, to make sure she was taking in enough ounces throughout the day. Not knowing exactly how much she was eating was a scary thought!
The Cold-Turkey Switch
One Friday, in early February, we had a ferocious snowstorm. I figured that we would be housebound for a few days, and that it was the perfect time to try to switch all together. We haven't looked back since that weekend. For the first few months afterward, we also went to a weekly breastfeeding support group run by the LC that we had seen, which also helped tremendously.
People who don’t try breastfeeding are ignorant, or lazy, or both! I'm happy that there is formula so their poor babies don't starve, but it's sad that people choose against the most natural thing in the world.”
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Shame on the NICU and the lactation consultant for not offering to do weighed feedings at breast. They still could have quantified her input to their heart's content. Kuddos to Mom for sticking with it. And although it is not a popular opinion, I happen to agree with her statement about people not at least trying to BF. Personally, I think bottle feeding is way more work!
ReplyDeleteLOVE the picture of Lucy nursing. Good for you for sticking to it. Good for you for not giving up.
ReplyDeleteI personally sympathize with your story as we had a rocky start to breastfeeding, but your last statement about mums being lazy or ignorant is unfair. You are making a judgement on those mums and you don't know their stories. :(
ReplyDelete-Candice
When I was pregnant, I was very naive. I thought I was going to instantly be awesome at breastfeeding. My original plan was to breastfeed until 18 months. When my beautiful 8lb 12oz Benjamin was born, only having a long labor without any complications, I let the nurses direct me with feeding him. He was found to have newborn jaundice and was confined to the nursery for most of the time. The nurses would very rarely bring him in for feedings and I didn't realize I should have been pumping. We started supplementing for the jaundice(stupidest reason ever). By the time we came home I was struggling with his latch and I quickly got a pump. I was feeding him with a contact nipple guard and by two months was pumping exclusively. Ben, now at almost 4 months, is getting about 50-70 percent of his feedings from breastmilk and the rest from formula(which I hate). I am a stay-at-home mom and no matter how much I pump, my supply does not increase. I am very frustrated with this and, since I am used to my routine, wondering if I should even bother with trying to get him to directly feed. My mother passed away when I was only 3 months pregnant, not a day goes by that I think everything would have been easier with her here. I hear of so many stories where moms around 3 or 4 months get tired of pumping or making bottles and just make their babies breastfeed. I don't know how they do it because Ben gets so upset. should I even bother?
ReplyDeleteYes, you should bother! If you think you might want to, if you think you should, that's something in you telling you to give it your all. Ultimately, its up to you, but I can tell you feel it in your heart. Have you tried Mothers milk tea, more Milk plus, lactation blend by tiranica, fenugreek, goats rue, blessed thistle? Steel cut oats, flaxseed, brewers yeast? google galactogenic herbs and foods, and look up lactation cookies recipes, they're yummy! It is a wonderful feeling, to not have all those bottles, all those steps, all that fuss, all that stress. But mama, you have done great so far, please don't feel I'm discounting all you've done! Pumping is hard work, and admirable. It only takes a little more to get the formula out of the picture forever, and I have a feeling you're up for it you've come here, after all!
ReplyDeleteYour blog was inspiring and very interesting until your last comment....People who don’t try breastfeeding are ignorant, or lazy, or both! ??? WOW, pretty rude.
ReplyDelete